I love Facebook and I am on it almost constantly thanks to my blackberry phone but today I got on and read this application that I downloaded. It’s a daily “note from God“. Not exactly words taken from the bible but things that are uplifting and pertain to living a healthy life. So anyways, it said this:
It’s not about how much you have, how much you know, or how much you do. It’s about how well you love. Love is what matters most.
I think I have been trying SO hard for this family to know how much experience I have, how much I love working with children, all the great ideas and crafts I can plan, and showing them that I can do this. I know that I am good at it, I know that I am knowledgable about it, I know have all the right things to do the job, but the one thing that I have known throughout this entire thing is that I LOVE taking care of children. So when I first read this I thought, well I included how much I love it so that’s good.
Now I am taking a second look at it and I am thinking it’s not about how much I have, know, or do and it’s not about how much I love. It’s about whether they love me or not.
The playdate went well and she is going to bring one of the girls over for a couple of hours to do a trial on Monday. I know that she likes me, I know that she approves of my house, my child, and all the things I have. I am pretty sure she knows how capable I am of doing it. But I also know that she doesn’t want to go back to work, she wants to stay home with her children, she doesn’t want to drop her kids off at someone elses house and feel like she is being a bad mother because she isn’t the one that’s going to be there. I had these feelings when I was working and leaving E home with my parents and B’s parents. I also know how difficult it would be for me to leave E with someone who wasn’t family.. so this decision has really nothing to do with me and my experience and knowledge. It’s about this mom’s feelings. It’s about her trusting herself to make the right decision and not regret not being there to watch her children grow.
Every mom goes through this at some point when their kids go away to school. Some choose to home school because the thought of letting someone else be there and you not is just too much for them.
So I am sitting back trying to relax and not get my hopes up and not assume that it’s not going to happen because it’s not my decision. It’s hers.
I want this job more than anything, but I want her to be happy with me, my family, my home, my knowledge, my stuff, and most importantly my love.
So I am going to stop hoping, wishing, dreaming, worrying, stressing! I am going to enjoy the rest of the weekend and know in the back of my mind that she’ll make the right decision for her.